An Ogre's Work Is Never Done

As readers of this blog know, Betty and I have been co-managers of Medfield’s Community Garden for more than a decade.  For Betty, it is a wonderful job: her role is to educate gardeners.  She freely answers all questions and passes on advice, articles and her abundant horticultural wisdom.  In turn, the 75 gardeners who have plots make it a point to say ‘hello’ to her whenever she is in the garden, and to praise her latest missives. It is not a stretch to say she is thought of as the Garden Princess.

The Community Garden.  Double-click
for a full screen view of this and the
accompanying plot plan progressiom.

With all the good designations taken, the title left to me is that of Garden Ogre.  I send out stern reminders to keep squash vines in check and keep garden fences taut.  I am the Weed Police: when a gardener fails to keep his or her aisles free of weeds, I send out OgreGrams with an ever-increasing level of threats and promises of dire consequences.  As a result, gardeners avoid me.

You would think the Garden Ogre would hibernate in the winter; stay in his cave until the first gardeners appear with their plants and then make my appearance to frighten them into submission.  You would be wrong.  My job description also includes keeping the garden filled. 

Every year, a certain number of
gardens become available

We have an acre of land divided into 55, 600-square-foot plots; many of which are subdivided into a pair of 300-square-foot gardens.  These plots are not hereditary.  Each year, gardeners must re-apply and pay a fee.  Inevitably, there is turnover.  People ‘age out’ or they move.  Some gardeners originally took plots to ensure their children knew where food came from.  Now that the kids are in middle school, the lesson is deemed learned and the plot becomes available.

Each January, I send out an email to ‘gardeners in good standing’ and ask if they would like to return for the coming season. I also ask if they would like to move up or down in plot size, and if they would prefer a different part of the garden.  Even Ogres can have a sensitive side.

And, every year gardeners want
to shift plots

This year’s response was about normal.  Eleven gardeners indicated they were moving or otherwise not coming back, three gardeners wanted larger spaces and four gardeners asked to move forward or back. (The back gets all-day sun, but it means threading your way through up to four tiers of gardens in front of you.)

I try to accommodate everyone...

I set to work with my plot diagram and produced a draft plan for 2020.  The three gardeners got their full plots.  Those who wanted to move (including one guy who wanted to be closer to two lady gardeners – who knew?) also got their wish.  I sent around the draft, expecting compliments and thanks.

... but as soon as I do, I immediately
get more complaints

That’s not the way it works in the Ogre trade.  One gardener was aghast I had moved her to the ‘wrong side’ of the garden in order to get a sunnier plot.  Her friends were on the ‘good side’ and could I please move her back?  I had no idea a single acre of land could have ‘desirable’ neighborhoods and agricultural slums.  Another said I had moved him too far toward the front and, if the correct row wasn’t available, would I return him to his original space?  Yet another didn’t want to be in the back row, having heard there were ‘woodchuck issues.’ (It’s a garden in the middle of a former farm.  The woodchucks spend the winter planning their spring campaign of destruction.  No garden is safe.)

Which sets off another round
of requests!

Then came the second wave.  Gardeners who had been perfectly happy with their spaces looked at the revised plot plan and discovered there were greener pastures available.  A prize spot in the center of the garden was being vacated by a long-time pair of gardeners relocating for retirement.  Five people emailed me asking if they could claim that spot and give up their own space.  I chose the ‘winner’ on the basis of the email’s time stamp, informed the losers, and was immediately told it was ‘unfair’ and should have been decided by a lottery.  (Ogres do not believe in lotteries.)  Another gardener noticed his plot-mate had moved to a full plot and asked if he could have the other half as well.  (No, it was claimed by someone who wanted to ‘move back’ for more sun.)

All is quiet for the moment.  The last returning gardener submitted payment for his or her plot by the February 29 deadline.  But, now I have just opened the floodgates to new gardeners … many of whom seems to have learned (incorrectly) from friends that there are ‘secret plots’ with all-day sun available with the right code word.

There are probably community gardens where everyone is deliriously happy just to have a plot.  Once upon a time, spaces in the Community Garden were assigned by standing in line outside Town Hall on a specified Saturday morning (including in snow) in mid-March and taking whatever space was available.  We live in enlightened (and entitled) times.  As long as there are computers and retirees willing to take on the running of gardens, we will have the current state of affairs.

I just wish people wouldn’t address the envelopes containing their renewal checks to ‘Garden Ogre’.