September 24, 2018

Here's Mulch in Your Shoe


Life is always interesting for the spouse of an active gardener.  You have an enormous garden at home and a 600-square-foot plot at a community vegetable garden to look after.  Even with all that to take care of, though, my wife can never turn down a cry for help, especially if it’s from a friend.  Which is how I came to be up to my calf in mud this past week.

‘Sally Kahn’ is a lovely lady.  I know because she is the first person I ever murdered.  That was more than a decade ago when I was writing A Murder in the Garden Club, and I use her fictional name here to spare her unwanted notoriety.  Sally maintains one of the most prominent wayside gardens in town and, last week, she called Betty to ask for her help in planting a new sedum at the site.  I should probably mention that Sally is closing in on 90, though she looks and has the energy of someone twenty years her junior.

Last week these were a pristine white.  Then I offered to
water a tree...
Although not specifically included in the invitation, I came along and ended up removing the mulch, digging the hole for the new specimen, toting the water, and then looking for opportunistic weeds in the bed while Sally and Betty did the actual planting. 

As they planted, Sally described another issue bothering her.  The parking lot at one of our town’s civic buildings has been something of a horticultural desert since its construction several years ago.  While maintaining the foundation plantings at the building. Sally and a group of friends have pressed for the addition of trees for the parking area.  Earlier this year, Sally got her wish: four trees were procured and planted by the town.

The problem Sally described to Betty was this:  the trees were a mess.  Although they bore sales tags from a highly regarded nursery, the specimens came with dead or broken branches and had clearly been grown with inadequate space to its brethren trees.  Everything pointed skyward; nothing grew laterally.  Could Betty help?  And so, the next morning, I once again piled tools into a car and drove with Betty to the site. 

The role of an Undergardener is to dig holes and move rocks.  A Principal Undergardener (that would be me) may, from time to time, be asked for advice by the Head Gardener (that would be Betty).  However, my charter has never extended to ‘skilled labor’.  On this day, my writ would be to move Heavy Stuff (ladders and hoses) and create mulch rings around the four trees.  In the meantime, Betty assiduously climbed the aforementioned ladder and pruned extraneous branches from the trees; reshaping them to allow air circulation within the tree and prevent branches from crossing and rubbing.

And so I began watering.  However, I could not help noticing an odd phenomenon: no matter how much water I put on that first tree, the water did not puddle.  And I am not talking about water trickling out of a hose.  This water was gushing out at the rate of four or five gallons a minute.  And it just disappeared into the mulch surrounding the tree.  I was standing on pavement while watering.  Intrigued, I stepped onto the mulch to investigate.

And promptly sunk my crisp, white sneakers into more than a foot of a thick, swamp-worthy slurry of mulch and water.

These trees had been planted in good, old-fashioned wood mulch.  There was no soil underneath what we all assumed was a veneer of mulch.  Like the turtles that support the earth, it was mulch all the way down.

Betty gave Sally the delicate task of communicating to our town’s Department of Public Works that a slight error had been made in the preparation of the site.  With luck, a crew will be dispatched to the building to dig out the mulch surrounding the trees’ root balls and replace it with something that will hold moisture and contain nutrients to allow the tree to grow. 

As for my sneaker, an afternoon in OxyClean followed by a bath in bleach left my shoestring a dazzling white, but the canvas of the shoe a dispiriting brown.  That is the fate of an Undergardener.

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